Well, let's just say we're sorry

Hey, it's Sam.

I know it's been over six months.

And I just used 'hey' to introduce myself again.

I should be making some excuse like I've had deathly illness.

But honestly, like I've said every other time I've left for a long period of time.

I'm just lazy.

And I've been losing it.

Everyday since I left I've questioned what I was doing with my life.

I question myself and the world around me.

Constantly.

I have no excuse for leaving, Sophia and I have talked about this place that we've created everyday.

But

I am sorry

I've gotten a slight grip on the world around me since school started.

And this year I plan to make up for lost time.

So.

Here's to a new year.

I hope I'll be able to spend it with you.

Have a-

...


...


...

I can't tell you what to feel anymore.

-Sam

Sophia- Books I've Been Reading!

I've been wanting to be doing a lot of reading this summer. And like all goals I have, that really hasn't happened yet. I don't know. Just most days my brain is like "don't do anything. just don't do anything you want to do." So, I've been dealing with that.

But soon I'm going to the beach! And the beach is one of my favorite places to read :) (comment down below what's your favorite place to read, and what book(s) have you been loving to read at the moment?)

I normally quite a bit of reading done at the beach, and before I head to the beach, I stopped at a library near by. Here's some of the books I've picked up and started to take a little read. (I've started looking at a couple, but I haven't read all completely through. but I'm SOOO excited to read these...you don't even understand.)

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch- My school is actually making us read this book as one of our summer reading books, and I'm not going to be complaining at all! I love books like these so much! They are short, powerful, and thought provoking. It just gives you a special bond with something so different than every other book you may have read. One of the main theme/questions that revolves around this book is "What wisdom would we impart to the world if we knew it was our last chance?" I think A LOT about time, and that's what this book is about. When you hear about 'time management,' you may think about many of things, but I'm always thinking about how much time we have as a person, and how you never know how long or short your time is. I TOTALLY recommend this book if you're like me and enjoy thought provoking ideas and topics that give you that deep, powerful bond. (may I add that I love the cover)

The Art of Creative Thinking by John Adair- Recently, I've been looking around on the internet asking "How can I get my brain to think more creatively?" You should never force creativity, trust me when I say the best ideas just come to you sometimes, but there's nothing wrong with taking some tips to get the blood in your brain flowing a little bit faster. (did that sound weird to anyone else... no just me? ok) Again this is a very short read, but I REALLY recommend if you're like me trying to get your brain to be a bit more adventurous with your ideas. 

The Way I Used To Be by Amber Smith- This is a trigger warning in case you DO NOT feel comfortable with anything related to rape or such. This book takes part in four sections. (If you don't go to an American high school or such, you may not know what I'm about to explain). In high school, you go through four grades which are your freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year. A girl named Eden, was rapped one night in her own house by her brother's college friend Kevin. This book is such a good thing to read, if you want to, because it gives you an insight about how you don't feel the same ever again around your own house, friends, and so much more. (Of course we have other things that make us feel trapped, but it never hurts to look at another prospective). I especially think this book is really good for high schoolers (or however your school/grade system works), because it helps with seeing other random people walking in the hallways and not knowing what has happened to them before the day you seen them. (does that make any sense.... sorry I'm rambling on and on about these books... I just bloody love these books).

Blink by Malcom Gladwell- Correct my if I'm wrong, but this book I believe is part of a trilogy. The other two books of the series include The Tipping Point and Outliers. Any who, this book is based around how we think without thinking, how some of our choices seem instant, why are some people brilliant decision makers while others are not? (I am absolute crap at making decisions). One line in the summary is "And why are the best decisions often those that are impossible to explain to others?" I just love that line so much. And if any of you are as into psychology sort of things like I am, you will LOVE how this book is written! (Even if you don't like topics around this too much, but you love reading new things, I really recommend this book.... as well as every other I've mentioned as well). 

All The Bright Places by Jennifer Niven- I've heard so many people say this book is amazing, and now I finally have the time to get through this books and enjoy the meanings everyone else keeps talking about. Finch and Violet meet on the top of the bell tower, and they start this huge story together after that moment. (sorry this bit of the explanation isn't as long as I've written for the other books... but I've just kind of repeating my words without realizing it... oops) Basically, this is another AMAZINGLY written book, with an amazing story, and I REALLY recommend you go and check it out if ya want to! :)

Happy reading! What books have you been enjoying reading/ or what books are you excited to read? Let us know :)

Thanks loves xx

Sophia- Updates on us

So from today, Wednesday, till Monday, Sam and I have our final tests for our classes. It's the end of another school year!! *pumps fist in the air*

I've been in the mood to blog recently, but I just wasn't sure what to blog about for the longest time. So here I am just doing a little mini update for you guys.


For the past couple of months, Sam and I haven't really been blogging. We posted stuff over on Three Fallen Leaves and I've posted stuff of my personal blog (VintageSofi). (BTW you can find all these links in the bar above this blog post)

We've just been really busy with our personal lives, our school lives, and we just didn't really find time to blog about stuff.

Also I've been lacking in motivation to find something to post recently.

Over this summer, I plan to work on all my social media's. That's right. I'm going to spice up the three blogs I run, I'm going to start up my wattpad with my second era of poetry, and I'm going to be trying to get all of the twitter accounts to look more presentable.

Also, another update, I cut my hair somewhat short! (I'm going to trim it so it goes to about my shoulders). It was so long and dead about a week ago, but then my mom cut my hair and it's so much healthier and easier to work with!

BTW today is Demisexual pride day, so, whoop whoop!
It's also National Best Friends Day I think!

Basically, I'm just here to tell you sorry that we haven't been blogging. We've been struggling with life and school, but Summer break is literally so soon! So look forward to us making everything better for you guys!

OMG.... it's already June.... half way through 2016.... well ...... crap

Idrk what to write  about.
I'm just kinda really bored.


As I normally sign off....

Thanks loves xx


BYEEEE

Sam- How to deal with an existential crisis, kind of 3-1-16

Sooo

The Existential Crisis

That's fun

//

I watched Dan Howell's video on what it is a few years ago, and realized that it was what had been pulling me down for months, I just hadn't known that other people had it too.

For those of you who don't know what an existential crisis is, I will link Dan's video below, he will probably explain it better than I can, but here's my version:

An existential crisis is when you as a person realize that you are real, you stop and look around, you- you are looking around, you aren't just watching this happen, you are making this happen, you are in control.

Then you realize that you are only in control of your life for so long.

And that's when the crisis starts.

You realize that you make your life happen until you die.

Done.

Dead

However all crises are different

Mine started out on an average day, well not really, see, this day I was in the middle of reading one of the Harry Potter books for the first time, and I was in love with the wizarding world.

But, I soon came to realize, that I was only able to read about this world, I would never be apart of it, I would never, ever escape this world fully once I finished this series.

So I stopped reading it for awhile

And by awhile I mean almost a year.

I wanted to belong to that story so badly, I wanted to escape my real world so desperately, that I prolonged the end as long as possible.

Now, every day since then I have contemplated shoving my head into my books to escape this world.

But again, everyone is different

Your crisis could be the constant fear of death, knowing that all humans are, and will die alone.

Or that you could literally die at any moment having done absolutely nothing productive with your life except for sit on tumblr and look at furry fan art of Dan and Phil, not that I've done it- Ha ha heh....

Anyways, here's the link to Dan's Video

Hope you guys have a happy day/week/month/year/lifetime/beyond

Love, Sam

Sam- I'm Back, again 3-1-16

So in case you're wondering, I'm not dead

Just, really really lazy

Sorry

Again

But now I'm back for real

Because I want to be here, I do

Today I'm going to talk about what's been going on

And why I have not been here the past month

//

This past month I have actually had things going on

Since I've been gone, Girl Scout cookie season has begun

Yes

I am a girl scout

Yes

I am in high school

Shut Up

Anyway, I've had a booth every weekend for the past two months and my last booth was last weekend

Hence, me writing this now

Other than that I'm just lazy and have been having a existential crisis crash everyday sooo, that's fun

I will try and post something real later today, or at least tomorrow

Love you guys and thanks for 650 views!

Have a happy day/week/month/year/lifetime/beyond




Its good to be back  -Sam

Sophia- My Black Out Poems

If you didn't read Sam's DIY about this, check it out if you're wondering how I created these! (It is pretty self explanatory, but it's super fun to do!)

Also a major "THANK YOU" to our club adviser for this idea which the club had to do!

Here are the black out poems I did! (I actually created these poems out of poems from a poetry book).


The poetry book I used is called Failure by Philip Schultz.


First poem I blacked out was "The Summer People"
Talk about all the things they had to give up.
It's beautiful here, they say, but the beauty isn't theirs to enjoy.
He never cut out grass or knew,
what grade I was in, He work days,
nights and weekend, but failed anyway,
he'd stare out the window so powerfully,
the world inside and outside,
our house would disappear.
He suffered big dreams.
We'd hear him up there in the dark,
as if he were the happiest man alive.

Next poem I blacked out was "Grief"
This morning,
sleeps,
no longer lives in photos on her dresser,
hands in pockets trying not to interfere.
I used to think the dead preferred their own company.
They don't,
they prefer ours.

I blacked out the poem "Blunt"
I hate the idea of being asked.
I want nothing with a soul,
I hate its bottomless pockets,
its guileless, eyeless stare.
I hate the idea of paradise.
If I have to believe in something,
I believe in despair.
In its antique teeth,
to it I bequeath the masterpiece of my conscience,
the most useless of all.
The truth gets the table scraps of my dignity.
It can do what it likes with my desire.

Lastly, I blacked out "The Amount of Us"
We walk down to the beach,
always faster into the future.
The weight of your dead piled on top of mine.
My fear of losing you--
in candlelight.
Screams echoing down hallway out of you,
the downpour,
your fingerprints on the window blurring the image of us,
your hand nailed to mine,
plus the joyous factories of our devotion,
the singing,
the burning,
the pain,
the beginning minus the end of us.

Thank you for reading! I hope this inspires you to create your own blackout poetry! If it just happens to, let me know and maybe I'll do more black out poems (I'll probably do more whether you ask or not hahaha). :)
(Also very sorry about the picture placement and quality here...)
Thanks loves xx
BYEEE :)

Sam- I'm Scared Guys- 1-19-16

Pretty much my entire life I have told myself "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"




Until

 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I want to be an English teacher"
 "I have to be an English teacher"
 "I have to be an English teacher"
 "I have to be an English teacher"
 "I have to be an English teacher"
 "I have to be an English teacher"
 "I have to be an English teacher"
 "I have to be an English teacher"
 "I ha-"
 "......."
"Why?"

Why do I have to be an English teacher?



well... you- y- you hav- I- I don't know, at least not for sure.



I keep telling myself I have to be an English teacher



But I don't know if I am doing it because I want to


I'm doing it because that's the only thing I believe I can do

But- I don't want to do that
I don't know what I want to do
people my age already have colleges talking to them
and just now I'm realizing this
I don't know what to do
I don't think I am good enough at things to have a job
I am not talented enough
and now I'm taking the mid terms and I just can't
I don't know what I am doing with my life
I just wish the universes I make up in my head exsisted, where I could be happy

Hope you guys have a good day/week/month/year/lifetime/beyond
Love Sam